Bloom Blissfully: Yanka - Anything but Naked

Hey Ladies,

As part of the Bloom Blissfully series, we are sharing the third of four testimonies. Today's blog post is a post about Yanka's testimony and how she overcame her insecurities by laying it all at our Heavenly Father's feet. She is a radiant woman of God who strongly holds onto Him. She also has a YouTube channel, Freedom Corner, with her husband Dylan, if you would like to go and have a look : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdHvz9GGQN-HQmP9nJ0OAJg.

May her heart-touching testimony encourage you to love every flawed part of yourself:

The idea of standing naked before God really challenged me. How can you stand naked before your creator if you don’t approve of His work? How can you be so vulnerable before someone if you carry so much hurt in your heart about relationships; how do you open up yourself to receive love completely when you are sure you are unlovable; how can you really walk in the destiny and purpose of your life when you believe you are not good enough to accomplish anything?

By the time I was faced with these questions I was already engaged to a fierce, amazing, and loving God-fearing man who continually affirmed me with amazing words. I have been on numerous leadership structures at university and accomplished everything I wanted to. I’ve been to three amazing outreaches in different parts of the world, all with amazing healings and salvations. I led a small group of young people seeking Jesus in their every day, and I’ve been labeled as a prophetic voice in my community (which is only because of the Holy Spirit and what he does through me). Despite all of these, let’s call them accomplishments when people described me, it never quite aligned with the idea I had about myself.

The moment these words like 'beautiful, strong, intelligent, impactful', etc. came into the description of how they saw me, I would immediately close myself. I could not match Yanka to any of those. I accomplished so many things and I could never really enjoy them because of the constant criticism I received – from myself. When these questions arose in my heart I realized my insecurities went way deeper than just the way I saw myself physically. I was insecure about the person I was, the person God created me to be. I rejected myself...

One morning I heard Jesus say “Stop hiding behind Me”. I immediately rebuked the devil, because Jesus is our protector, comforter, and safe-place “He would never say that”. Again I heard the words “Stop hiding behind Me and start walking next to Me, with Me” and in an instant, I knew I’ve been hiding behind Jesus. I’ve been hiding behind Jesus by using Him as a mask and not walking with Him. I’ve been putting on an over spiritualized, 'have-everything-under-control', I-accept-me, false-joy mask every day, trying to fool not only the people around me but also myself. I realized I was a broken vessel denying Jesus to evangelize all the parts of my heart.

That realization brought me to a point to start shedding my layers, and let me tell you that was extremely difficult.

I needed to let go of so many lies that formed part of my identity that I needed to get to know myself all over again as a new creation “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

It sucks and it is difficult trying to identify the false truths you’ve believed all your life and only Jesus can truly help you in identifying them. I needed to face myself. I was confronted with the lies I spoke into my own life. I needed to take responsibility for the hurt I caused myself. I went on a journey for a few months of healing and acceptance.

One very special moment in my healing journey as well as one of the biggest victories I received, was when I sat before a group of beautiful ladies. I was crying my eyes out because I was so tired of the constant insecurities I had to face and I wanted this season to end. This was also one of the moments I believe had set the stage for me to walk in complete healing. The one lady prayed with me and encouraged me to repent with them about my self-hatred. They sat with me as a community, as I redeemed the parts of myself I rejected. I started with my pinky toe and ended with my hair and named everything (and I mean everything) in-between.

I hated everything about myself... By doing this- redeeming the parts I rejected- it opened up a door for me to dig deeper into my heart.

My journey, and first encounter to be naked before God required me to climb out of the layers of clothes I dressed with. This allowed me to accept and love the person God created me to be – with my flaws. By accepting myself, I did not nullify my bruises and mistakes, but it allowed me to invite Jesus into those places.

There were three things that I believed helped me to walk in healing today:

1.) Repentance. I needed to take responsibility for my part in this. I rejected God’s creation, I believed I could’ve done a better job. I denied myself so much joy by criticizing myself all the time. I was the one that spat on Jesus’s face while He died for it all, including me. I rejected God’s image. I needed to repent and call this sin by name. I shed the layers by naming every part I hated and speaking God’s truth into it.

2.) Community, but not only be surrounded by people but to allow those people into your heart and fight the battle together. Community allowed me to be vulnerable and not feel judged. They cried with me and help me carry this burden. They spoke truths into my heart and gave perspective when my eyes and mind couldn’t see it. You. Can. Not. Walk. A. Fruitful. Journey. As. A. Christian. Without. Community.

3.) Remind yourself of the truth. The enemy is like a roaring lion, he loves to poke you with lies and hurts trying to grip you to fall back in old patterns. You need to stand on the promises of Jesus, speak His Word over yourself, and deliberately choose to walk in your destiny. Even after this amazing healing I’ve received I still get days where I struggle to look in the mirror, but the difference is that I now can identify the lies and speak the truth. The false truth is not my truth anymore.

That is how I learned to stand naked before God, by taking off all the things I hid behind and denying them instead of Jesus. “Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the LORD your God. Begin to build the sanctuary of the LORD God, so that you may bring the ark of the covenant of the LORD and the sacred articles belonging to God into the temple that will be built for the Name of the LORD.” (1 Chronicles 22:19 )

We have the privilege to build the sanctuary of the Lord, but we can’t do that if we don’t devote our hearts and soul to Him. If we can’t accept us as creations of God, will we really be able to accept our Creator?

As I stand before Him, I still make mistakes, I still need to repent daily, I am still faced with a lot of challenges, but I accepted the fact that I am beautifully flawed.

Lots of Love

Yanka

xx

(A joy-filled, beautiful and gracefully broken daughter of God).