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Hi ladies,
Today, as part of the Bloom Blissfully series, we are sharing the second of four testimonies and I (Inge) have the great privilege to share a personal testimony with you beauties.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139: 13-14)
Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?
As I stare at myself in the mirror, looking at the full mouth, blue-green eyes, freckles, and plump cheeks, I'm reminded of the little girl who has grown to hate herself. The full mouth has turned into a crooked smile; the freckles, into a flawed skin; the plump cheeks into fat... When have I grown to hate the being that God created, so much?
My whole life I have felt like less: less of a woman, less beautiful, less smart. This created an obsession and desire to make more of myself. At first, I tried losing the excess weight I always seemed to gain, especially during winter times. That failed terribly as I fell into the trap of multiple eating disorders, distorting my own image of my body even more. Then, I tried growing my hair in an effort to feel more feminine and to be noticed more often by guys. The longer my hair grew, the less feminine I wanted to feel. I desired to be the tough girl, the one whom all guys were too scared to hurt and whom all girls wanted to be.
As my effort to feel more worthy continued, so did the Creator's love and care towards me become more visible.
In my search for beauty and charm, I stumbled upon the love that Jesus has towards me. Day by day, I was reminded of who He is and not of who I saw myself as. Piece by piece, I allowed Him in to see the brokenness and hurt that laid hidden within my heart. As I got to knew Him, my trust in Him grew fonder and after a while I allowed Him into my inner most being.
Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Genesis 2:25)
Allowing Him into the deepest hollows of my heart, meant laying myself bare in front of Him. I was always created to stand naked in front of Him and although nothing has ever felt so natural in my whole life, have never been more aware of my own brokenness and His glory.
His glory, like a refining fire, burns away the flaws in my character daily. I'm being tested and refined, made righteous, and a tool within His hands to use. The Holy Spirit whispered a truth into my heart that the beauty I was seeking so earnestly my whole life, would one day be nothing compared to the righteousness He was creating in my heart.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
No longer am I the pudgy girl with the crooked, 'too big' smile or 'weird-colored eyes'. I'm a daughter of the King. My worth is far beyond that of rubies (Proverbs 31:10). I'm loved by the King. My worth is no longer determined by the view I have of myself when I look at the girl in the mirror. No, my worth is determined by the hope created within me when Jesus was nailed to the cross, bearing a thorn of righteousness on His head. He was made worthless so that I can feel worthy.
He was shamed so that I no longer have to be. He is my saving grace, protecting me from myself.
My prayer is that every single woman, not only those reading this but also those with whom you share your daily lives, will be encouraged by the love of Jesus to see their true worth. God created us as the crop of the cream, the cherry on top.
Lots of love
Inge xx
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