TRUST SERIES: NEW LIFE

Hey girls

Today in the Trust series post, we are talking about new life and therefore I want to share my own testimony of how I received new life.

At the same time, I was thinking about how incredibly dead I felt inside. My whole soul felt blackened by sin, shame and loneliness. It was a perfect paradox.

I was sitting on the balcony of my tiny bachelor’s flat during my first couple of months at university. I was wondering about life and the meaning thereof. I sat thinking how incredibly lucky I was. I was lucky to be free of parental guidance, to be able to do whatever I want and to be in a relationship. Floating through life and having the freedom to be someone I thought I could never be (even if this freedom meant building my life on lies). At the same time, I was thinking about how incredibly dead I felt inside. My whole soul felt blackened by sin, full of shame and loneliness. It was a perfect paradox.

Crying out to God meant that I took a step towards Him in the smallest amount of faith, trusting Him enough to ask Him for help.

I was only 18 at the time and thinking about how my whole life was supposed to stretch out before me. But I could not imagine continuing my life as I already felt that it was worthless.

This is one of the only memories I have of my life prior to committing myself to Jesus Christ and receiving new life.

Another one of the few memories I have left is when I went to a worship evening. My young heart hated churches and what they stood for, only because of a wound inflicted when I was younger and still inquisitive about Jesus. Standing there, worshiping on that particular evening, I slowly but surely felt my heart opening up like a blossom in spring. I felt energized and hopeful after that worship evening but those emotions were short-lived as I returned to my normal life. Living in the darkness again, lying every single day about my identity, believing lies about myself and living a shameful life.

For years, I have only prayed for my own selfish ambitions

A couple of weeks after this specific moment, the death of my soul was uncovered and I was placed in a situation where I had no other choice but to cry out to Jesus.

It is easy to judge God about His character based on what you think when you do not ever try to spend time with Him because of your pre-set ideas about Him.

One morning as I was pulling into the parking lot of my flat, after not spending the night there, I received a call from my mom. She revealed to me that she knew the truth about who I was pretending to be. My whole life, built on unstable lies, collapsed. I was standing on a heap of rubble and my first instinct was to pray. This was a strange moment. For years, I have only prayed for my own selfish ambitions (tests and exam papers and in situations where I was in a tight spot). I did not know the God that I was praying to, intimately. I knew basics, like Jesus dying on the cross for humanity and the story of Adam and Eve. But nothing of this had become a reality in my heart. I was someone walking past Jesus daily, greeting Him when and if I noticed Him. Sometimes I even pretended not to see Him because of shame; but I never knew Him because I never chose to walk to Him and ask Him about Himself. It is easy to judge God about His character based on your perspective and pre-set ideas of Him but not because you spent time with Him.

Crying out to God meant that I took a step towards Him in the smallest amount of faith, trusting Him enough to ask Him for help. This trust came from a place of anxiety, fear and hurt. I was at my worst place I have ever been. I was broken,dirty and sinful and was left shameful. He reached out His hand, pulling me into a tight embrace, letting me weep in His arms. (Ps. 34:18-19).

For a couple of months I just cried and hoped everything would get better. I had to make many decisions in this time and it changed my life completely. I even rang up an old school friend whom I had always hated because she was shining out God’s light. I told her my story and we went out for coffee. This coffee-date resulted in me going to a campus-ministry evening and finally committing my life to God in front of witnesses.

As a newly devoted Christian, this was crazy-talk to me.

This glorious day, will be celebrated again this year on the 11th of May, for the third year. Looking back, I can clearly see God’s hand in the whole story. I drove onto campus that evening, not knowing what lay before me. In my car’s mirror, I saw a girl in a small white car, driving behind me, following me wherever I went. It was strange, but I did not really focus on her. As I walked into one of the hostels on campus where the celebration was hosted, the girl who drove behind me walked up to my friend, asking her where the event of the evening was. We started chatting and this stranger kept on telling me that she was not in the mood for joining the celebration that evening but she felt a prompting from God. Then she continued that she felt the Holy Spirit telling her to stick by my side. As a newly devoted Christian, this was crazy-talk to me. I grew up in a church where we did not really acknowledge the Holy Spirit or the work He is capable of doing in one’s heart. She continued telling me about baptism (which was weird for me as I was used to people being baptized as babies and not grown-ups) and committing your heart to Jesus.

When the time came that evening for the alter call, I felt quite under pressure to commit myself to Jesus as I felt that since I’ve been told about it, I had to do it. Therefore, I raised my hand and was called to the front. The pastor started praying for me and I started weeping. All my sin and shame was laying bare in front of Jesus, and still, I was reminded that I have been forgiven. I was given new life. His breath was breathed into me, filling my lungs (Gen 2:7). He raised my dead bones to life (Ez. 37:4-6). He planted a new heart into me (Ez. 36:26). He called out to me from the grave and I was resurrected (John 11: 43). I am a new Creation in God (2 Cor. 5:17). The rest is history.

Do you crave resurrection in your heart? Are you tired and feeling broken because of the heavy burden you have had to carry on your shoulders?

Trusting God to fight for me in a time when I was battered and could not even stand up was the best decision I have ever made. It resulted in a new life. This promise of new life is for anyone who wants it. Do you crave resurrection in your heart? Are you tired and feeling broken because of the heavy burden you have had to carry on your shoulders? There is hope. His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matt. 11: 28-30). You just need to trust Him enough to lay down your life into His capable hands.

Lots of Love

Inge xx